I also made "Cracker Barrel" biscuits that did not turn out the way I had hoped. They are way too flat and I used the self-rising dough it called for!
All this time in the kitchen and all I have to show for it is a bunch of stinkin' dishes to do. Ugh! I am totally having one of those days that should have been spent in front of the T.V. or outside instead of in the kitchen.
James isn't home today because he has a job he's doing with his Uncle Dave painting a deck for someone. His mom took the kids today so I could have a day to myself. I know I should be happy for this alone time but it's really just proving to make my loneliness more blatant. I would rather spend the day with James who has the day off but it didn't work out that way. He and Dave were going paint that man's deck on Saturday but it rained on and off all that day so they postponed it til today. Horrible timing in my mind.
I feel this way but then feel guilty because I feel that maybe I'm being selfish and ungrateful. James' mom, Lynn didn't have to take the kids today but she offered so I wasn't going to reject the offer. But, I didn't really want to go hang out at Lynn's house today if the whole point was for me to have some time away from the kiddos. I don't know. I just miss my friends in Kansas, my mom and sister, Liv and her kids; my sweet nieces and nephew. It's hard to make new friends, especially when you're happy with the ones you already have and it's doubly hard when you are a one vehicle family.
I am also sad because my best friend, Princess and my sis, Liv, and their kids are getting together today for a picnic and outdoor play. This makes me miss home all the more since we always do this together whenever Princess visits her family in Salina. I am so happy that they are all able to get together and I wouldn't wish for it any other way. I just hate that I'm not there with my friends and all those kids. We always have so much fun together even if it is a little hectic with 9 kids running around. There would be 10 kids total today, but Chloe doesn't run around yet.
I really am trying to savor this time that I have with our children because this time and age won't last forever and one of these days I will look back and wonder where the time went and wish for it back. I know this because I have already done that. Wishing for the newborn stage back. Also, because I've been told this so many times from countless people. Even complete strangers have shared this truth with me. My mom has told me how lonely this time is too. But, that doesn't seem to make it any better (Sorry, Mom.). It just makes me want to be closer to the ones I love who are far away from us.
I know that James is doing what he needs to for our family and I am thankful for that. I know that if he had a choice he would be home far more often and sooner in the day than he is but with the new company starting and all that goes along with it it's not manageable. Still, I struggle with how often he's gone and how often I still feel like a single mom.
I also know that I'm not the only one who feels this way but it's so easy to feel like I am the only one. I know I'm wallowing in self-misery. Sorry, what a depressing post. I'm ok! Really I am. I'm just being honest and hope you can understand that I'm not trying to complain. I'm just sharing.
Ok, I'm being way too "woe is me" so I think I'll end this post and get on with my bread. It's finally tall enough and ready to be baked.
P.P.S. Well, I think it's safe to say that my loaf of bread turned out just fine! It even raised a little more while it was baking. Maybe I was being a bit dramatic.